You Don’t Have to Pretend to Be Okay: The Biblical Gift of Lament
“From my youth I have suffered and been close to death;
I have borne your terrors and am in despair…
You have taken from me friend and neighbor—
darkness is my closest friend.”
The author of these words is despondent. All he sees is death, darkness, and terrors. He feels so deeply alone that his only option for companionship is darkness. There is no sugarcoating his experience of hopelessness.
Now imagine yourself writing those words, addressing them to God, and your church singing and praying them on Sunday. It seems scandalous. Yet, these are the words of the Psalmist in Psalm 88. This honest and vulnerable reflection of his interior affliction is part of the canon of scripture and God’s people have sung and prayed these words. Why would God want his people to sing and pray such hopeless and seemingly irreverent words? Because God invites his people to radical honesty with him.
“God invites his people to radical honesty with him.”
When Scripture Gives Voice to Despair
Sometimes church seems to be the place where we put on our best face and hide our doubts. We can believe the lie that having faith means we need to pretend to be okay. Or that if we are not okay, then something must be wrong with our faith or with us. But time and time again in the Psalms of lament, the author brings all doubt, fear, anger, sorrow, shame, and guilt to God. Mark Vroegop writes that “Lament is a divinely-given liturgy for processing our pain so that we can rejoice. Lament is a prayer in pain that leads to trust. It is not only how Christians grieve; it’s the way Christians praise God through their sorrows. Lament is a pathway to praise when life gets hard.” (Mark Vroegop, Lament Leads to Praise)
“We can believe the lie that having faith means we need to pretend to be okay.”
David says in Psalm 62, “Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” (Psalm 62:8 NIV) It is because of our trust in God that we pour all that is in our hearts to him. Our Father already knows every thought, emotion, and desire that we have: “the LORD searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought.” (1 Chronicles 28:9 NIV)
Faith Doesn’t Require Pretending
If you have felt like you have had to pretend to be okay and hold back your questions and doubts, pray the Psalms of lament. They give us the language of the groanings of our hearts. And this honesty leads us to entrust these things to the God who sees all and is near to the brokenhearted.